Seminar Series

The Seminar Series aims to help individuals and couples understand and learn how to navigate the unconscious dynamics impacting their relationships, both romantic relationships and relationships in the workplace. This series features the actual recordings of live interactive seminars facilitated by James Tobin, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist based in Newport Beach, CA.  The seminars featured are drawn from the Relationship Group and the Men’s Group, two ongoing educational seminars that have been meeting regularly since 2013.  These groups gather to learn about a specific psychological concept introduced by Dr. Tobin and to explore its relevance for their interpersonal lives.

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20 – Vs. Getting What You Want: Disappointment in the Era of Ease, Entitlement and Gratification In an atmosphere of ease, plenty, and immediate gratification, how does one tolerate let alone utilize the components of human experience that cannot be managed, altered or crafted to our liking? This seminar explores the psychology of disappointment. Please download the following document to accommodate this recording. Click Here.

 

19 – Self-Deception Most forms of human suffering, anguish and conflict stem from the tendency of the mind to counteract what it already knows to be true. Freud characterized self-deception as a psychological process in which something that was once recognized becomes diluted, fragmented, and uninterpretable. Self-deception is learned throughout the socialization process in which one is conditioned to deny personal authentic experience. Please download the following document to accommodate this recording. Click Here.

 

18 – Knowing Without Thinking: Intuition Intuition is an intriguing yet poorly understand mental activity. Most people believe in their "intuition" but often regret instances when they did not trust it, suggesting a tension that exists between using vs. rejecting vs. not detecting what one's intuition might actually be saying. In this seminar, we explore what is known and theorized about intuition, as well as the role intuition plays in daily living and romantic love: is "living intuitively" possible and, if so, how? Please download the following document to accommodate this recording. Click Here.

 

17 – The Argument Against "Letting It Go" A common self-help adage to cope with difficulty and aversive events and situations is to "let it go." This notion recognizes the need to control what one can control and to disengage from what one cannot control. But in my psychotherapy practice, I have found that patients who have experienced very bad events, experiences, and people cannot let them go, not matter how hard they try. I have come to believe that they're not letting it go is actually productive, both emotionally and psychological. In this seminar, I attempt to describe the value of not letting it go by illustrating what constitutes "dynamic learning" and describing how it can serve as an invaluable approach to life's challenges. Please download the following document to accommodate this recording. Click Here.

 

16 – Narcissistic Experience & Mystification: A Theory of Personal Change Unfortunately, narcissistic dynamics are common in practically all domains of contemporary life. Due to this prevalence, people are increasingly confronted with narcissistic individuals who negatively impact their lives in complex ways. In this seminar, I offer a theory of personal change that centers on overcoming narcissistic victimization. Please download the following document to accommodate this recording. Click Here.

 

15 – The Target on Your Back: Navigating Your Partner's Pain If you ever thought you were paying the price for how your romantic partner was hurt in the past, you are not alone! It is fairly common for a partner to project his or her past hurt, injury, and pain from prior relationships onto a current partner, and vice versa. It appears as if the mind unconsciously needs to revisit and refine the past by imbuing our current relationship with distorted and exaggerated feelings and reactions. Please download the following document to accommodate this recording. Click Here.

 

14 – "Dirty John" Showcases the 4 Errors of the Neurobiology of Attraction The "Dirty John" story, podcast, and recent Bravo TV show demonstrate the neurobiological dynamics of attraction. Scientific evidence now supports Freud's theoretical claims that we are drawn to individuals who have the potential to activate within us our neurobiological set-point that is formed in childhood. This set-point causes repeated patterns of idiosyncratic errors of thought and perception that persist throughout adulthood, ultimately drawing us into toxic relationships. Please download the following document to accommodate this recording. Click Here.

 

13 - Fathering Throughout the Son's Life - The "Good Enough" Father A renowned author, psychoanalyst, an expert on male psychology, Michael Diamond has published an intriguing paper and book that describes his notion of the "good enough" father. The character and ingredients of the "good enough" mother, originally conceived by the British psychoanalyst D.W. Winnicott, have been widely discussed but a similar perspective has not been applied to fathers until Diamond. In this group seminar, we review how Diamond conceptualizes the "good enough" father. Please download the following document to accommodate this recording. Click Here.

 

12 - The "Burden of Correction" in Partner Choice Our choice of a romantic partner is determined by the past; we tend to select a new partner who we believe and hope will "correct" what went wrong in our previous relationships. At times this can actually be an effective strategy that enables us to form a new relationship with a person who ultimately may be a better partner. However, often the "burden of correction" projected onto our new partner fails to correct anything and may even backfire. Please download the following document to accommodate this recording. Click Here.

 

11 - You May Not Like Who You Are to Others A wide body of psychological research and theory suggests that the social world is dominated by projections, distortions, and highly personalized biases. How you impact others is a component of self-understanding that many people do not really investigate or ever gain access to. Yet, what you represent to, and elicit in, others activates powerful relational and social dynamics that ultimately dictate your experience in the world. Please download the following document to accommodate this recording. Click Here.

 

10 - Your Fate is Neurobioloigcally Sealed Beyond our awareness, we are neurobiologically communicating our history to others in ways that ultimately seem to perpetuate that history. The latest scientific research indicates that a person's brain and nervous system, imprinted by early developmental events and relational dynamics, create a kind of "aura" or neurobiological cue that is transmitted into the social world. Please download the following document to accommodate this recording. Click Here.

 

09 – “Portals” and Unconscious Compliance in Romantic Love At the level of the unconscious, one seeks a partner who will conform to a script that is already firmly organized in one's mind.  Unfortunately, these scripts are usually based on unresolved relational injuries from one's past and aim to be repeated again and again.  "Portals" are the gateways through which persons draw particular personality types to them and signal the likelihood of complying with how these types act in the world and behave in relationships. Please download the following document to accommodate this recording. Click Here.

 

08 – Why We Don’t Change: The Vertical Split Freud divided the human mind horizontally, i.e., the unconscious was separated from the conscious by a horizontal line of psychic defense.  More contemporary theorists, however, have proposed a corollary mechanism of the mind that arranges experience side-by-side (vertically) rather than top-down (horizontally). Vertical splitting is necessary for optimal functioning in the world, but too much or too little vertical splitting results in problems and difficulties and prevents more adaptive experience of change and growth. Please download the following document to accommodate this recording. Click Here.

 

07 - Loving Defensively: Personality Styles and Romantic Tendencies Romantic love is unfortunately never "pure" nor without reservation: we love with caution, hesitation, and fear – we love defensively. Understanding how the personality is organized to prevent emotional injury is useful when considering obstructions to relational intimacy. This seminar provides an overview of the different levels of character structure, with an emphasis on how borderline and narcissistic personality types function in maladaptive ways. Please download the following document to accommodate this recording. Click Here.

 

06 - The Beginning of the End of Codependence: The Private Self Re-emerges Codependence is the result of repeated developmental transgressions upon the child's emerging sense of self. When the child's natural exploratory state is interrupted, the child is forced to transition from the private/personal to the “political.” Over time, with ongoing impingements, a political self is created at the expense of a private self. Recovery from codependence is a process in which private experience is claimed at the expense of the political. Please download the following document to accommodate this recording. Click Here.

 

05 - The Dynamics of “Parasitic” Love Intimate relationships consist of one partner (the sender) transmitting unconscious representations of previous relational traumas (metaphorically called "parasites") to the other partner (the recipient).  Once housed in this new host, the parasitic material compels the host to conform to its directives by re-traumatizing the sender.  An understanding of this universal dynamic sheds light on repetition and self-fulfilling forces responsible for most forms of relational conflict. Please download the following document to accommodate this recording. Click Here.

 

04 - Locus Poenitentiae Latin for “a place of repentance or for changing one’s mind,” locus poenitentiae is a term usually applied to contract law but Dr. Tobin uses it as the foundation of a psychological capacity involved in shifting out of states of denial and self-deception.  All of us are conditioned by many inputs across our lifespan that unconsciously motivate us to see ourselves and others in distorted and biased ways.  If an “untruth” emerges and can be tolerated, personal transformation may ensue. Please download the following document to accommodate this recording. Click Here.

 

03 - "Emplotment" Pathways Emplotment refers to the philosophical and psychological view that experience is destined, that the mind seeks and/or creates situations that confirm what had always been assumed.  In this way, emplotment pathways obstruct "change sequences" that carry with them the potential for assimilation of new ideas.  Please download the following document to accommodate this recording. Click Here.

 

02 - Reenactment Prior traumatic relational experience is re-experienced and re-enacted in adult romantic relationships.  The mind sequesters incomprehensible experience in dissociation; yet what is dissociated remains alive and determines the nature of experience. Please download the following document to accommodate this recording. Click Here.

 

01 - Strategies for Responding to Manipulative and Narcissistic People The developmental origins of narcissistic and codependent tendencies are explored by Dr. Tobin in this live interactive seminar.  Attachment dynamics in the early child-caregiver bond are related to the manipulative tactics employed in adult relationships by persons who are narcissistically vulnerable.  Please download the following document to accommodate this recording. Click Here.